The Worst Misery: Chapter Twelve

The Worst Misery: Chapter Twelve

Chapter XII

Forsaking Truth

  

I woke up screaming, looking for the rusted bars of a cage too small to stand or sit in, but found to my surprise—Why’s that surprising?—that I was back in my room.

Another dream?

“Are you well?”

Saint Michael?

“Yes…,” I said, slowly, rubbing my head as if I could massage the madness out of my skull. “What are you doing here?”

“Protecting you. You seem to be so very fond of chasing monsters.”

Saint— No, not a saint… No according to Jesus, and he would know, right? Michael wore his armor, great sword in hand.

Is that blood?

“What monsters?” I was puzzled only for a moment. That was until my senses came to me, and I realized that meeting Christ was no dream. Looking back to the blood.

“What did—”

“Christ betrayed the words of God just as Lucifer did. They both fell from his graces. I’ve spoken to God. He speaks through me for I am most like God. Only I can enact his will upon the universe.”

My questions were still unanswered… Was Baal right? Was Luci being honest? Was Christ telling truths? Is Saint Michael not able to lie? I didn’t know…

Who’s telling the truth? I wondered, but It seemed like everyone was lying. I felt as if no one could be trusted. The madness agreed with me. “Truth in all the lies and lies in all the truth. Everyone is dishonest and honest. All things are false and true at once. I need to figure which is which though. Don’t I, madness?”

“Forget about all that. Let’s just try to shatter once more! It was right there, so close. As soon as he leaves lets belly flop into the Abyss! It’ll be fun, trust me.”

“No thanks. I want to live…,” I told the madness to which he said, “Make up your mind already!

I think Saint Michael thought I was talking to him for he said, “Living is pleasant. Stay here in Heaven where it is safe. Stay in the light of God’s good graces. I will protect you as I protect all of his kingdom.”

I got up out of bed. I was expecting my window to have been taken away, but it was still there. Why?

“I’m tired, I’m mad, and I’m bored. And boredom is the worst of it. Makes my madness all fidgety and tingly. Don’t like it.” I walked up to the window and placed a hand on it. “Somewhere far, far away.”

The window obliged me, and the view that was taken up next was the weirdest one I’ve ever seen. The world I saw was raw. It was new. It was, most importantly, as away as far as I could imagine.

“The Devil warped that, please step away. It was never meant to open. It was only supposed to be a window to anything you wanted so you could paint,” Michael said. “You mustn’t use it.”

I love you, Luci.

Michael kept talking, but I didn’t understand the words. I opened the window.

“What are you doing? Do not let that monster sway your heart! Go with me, go with God!” Michael commanded, armor clanking as he charged…

But it was too late. I’d already thrown myself through into my new world, my new future away from all of this insanity. It didn’t matter if I was a rapist or if I used. I don’t care anymore.

Michael grabbed my foot as I was falling. “You will not abandon God!”

 “Fuck God,” I spit, and the shocked wrath of Michael was priceless. Me and the madness had a good laugh as I kicked free of the archangel’s grasp.

I’m not going to be bothered with the spoken truths of anyone anymore. I thought as I fell. I’m not going to hang on waiting for the words that explain why this is that. I’ll find them on my own. I’ll search for what I seek and discover truth for myself.

My soul became light, freed.

I want my truths. What is truth, but another view? Maybe my view is better had than the view of angels and demons.

As I plummeted like a meteor towards my new home, I saw that my room was in ruin.

Is that because I am no longer there? Is that all it took?

I laughed. That must have been. My subconscious must’ve been happy with Heaven and done all that it could to make sure it would never go away no matter how much I wanted it to.

It’s my Heaven after all, and it’ll do whatever I wish. So logically that means the window is at my control. It is a part of my Heaven now, regardless of who made it or who warped it.

I whispered “shatter” so soft that it could have been mistaken as a prayer, maybe it was. Regardless, the window exploded outward. The magical glass shimmered as it disintegrated into nothingness.

I’m free from it all now! I told myself. They’ll never find me because even I don’t know where I am!

I wept, overjoyed.